A LETTER TO ADULTHOOD

Dear Adulthood,

Fuck you. J

We had a pact, didn’t we? But you didn’t stick to it. You didn’t even cross that path. What the hell wrong with you?

I thought I gave birth to you. I made you, right? You grew out of me. Then what happened? You got exchanged at the hospital or something? Don’t you remember how I talked to you for months and made plans for your arrival? You were supposed to fulfill my dreams, do all that I couldn’t do back then. You were supposed to be the ideal room-cleaning-bookshelf-arranging-neat kid. Look at the mess you’ve made!  You were supposed to make me happy. You had one job, adulthood, one job.

 Listen, this is not the package I ordered. Firstly, it’s broken, and I’m trying too hard to hold all the corners, to tape it around, up and down and it will only be a little while before I break down. Yeah, this mail has the same packaging from outside….somewhat (Remember how I had clearly mentioned no acne and no oily skin) but this is completely opposite on the inside. I had been waiting for this mail for years and now I wish I just wouldn’t have ordered it. Your product description said you’ll take away my timeless cravings for French fries, give me fashion sense and confidence, that you’ll give me a real job where I’ll wear more than my bunny pyjamas and… but you know what, I should have trusted the product reviews. So many people said it’s not worth it; I should have listened to them. Coz evidently, my bunny pyjamas are still here and I’ve kinda dropped some French-fry ketchup on them.

Why did I not listen to people when they told me not trust you? Why did I think they were not good enough for you, that I would be all that you want and you will be my one true love and we’ll be a couple the world envies? They were right though, sadly. You are the playboy here. You are the dark-eyed, silky- haired guy who smokes and smiles slyly through his dimples and has already fucked most girls in college but I still feel special when he winks at me. Oh, your winks did me in. I wish I had known the dangers in those eyes that enticed me such.  All I could see were the shining stars and the twinkle in your eyes. I’m sorry, all my experienced friends that I didn’t listen to you and fell for this jerk.

I fell for you because I thought you’d be my friend. My glamorous, photogenic friend that would make a surprise entry in my life and all people around me would turn their heads when we both enter the party. you were supposed to be my make up expert friend, my relationship guru, my life counselor. And who did you turn out to be? That nagging nerd who wants to stick with me but has no sense at all. No fashion sense, no relationship advice and no photo-genes. All you have to share with me is your never satisfied hunger and your social media stalking skills. It would all have been fine if you weren’t lazy AF! And why do you need to sit with me all day and all night and make me watch all TV shows and movies ever released? I wanted to be a movie star, you duffer, not a…whatever this is that you’re trying to make me.

Who gave you the right to try to make me anything, anyway? When did we decide to make you the boss and me the secretary? And such a lazy, mean, foul mouthed boss who’s trying to turn me into same. I knew there’d be ego clashes, but I had thought I would blame everything on you. No one listens when I try to do that now. Everyone blames and tells me I am not handling you well. How am I supposed to explain that you’re the handling me? You have the reins in your hand and I am just being used for your entertainment. That when you get bored of me, you’ll make another teenager a prey and do the same with another little girl.

My head is spinning.

You know what, I resign. I resign from this phase that doesn’t give me leaves, or appraisal, or bonus or any perks that I deserve. I am going on a holiday with my laptop, my bunny pyjamas and a bucket full of French fries. I would highly appreciate if I could get some money as was promised to me in our agreement years ago.

Thanking you

Yours Truly

P.S- I would be back on time on Monday (obviously).